Feb 12 Updates

 Jan 30: Heartbeat still fast, but at least it's not crazy like before. Fasting truly is a magical thing. Abdomen distended, hoping this isn't ascites or tumors. Possible cancer in Peyer's Patches? Some sort of inflammation, pain in center of abdomen around bladder when pushed. Possible lack of peristalsis, going to attempt to induce through diet and massage.

 Jan 31: Digestive tract simply feels like it's dead, though it's apparently working. Sticking with plan to wake it up. Simply need to encourage the natural muscle function and wave-like contractions that keep things moving in the first place. Hollowing of right side of face completely non-apparent and recovered. Gums still extremely sensitive; anything touching them is like being stabbed in the mouth. Have to chew on left side.

Feb 1: Self-therapy appears to be working consistently. Abdomen still swollen but no longer packed from the inside. Stomach still sometimes hurts when filled but feeling better otherwise. Continuing action and monitoring.

Feb 2: Fuck, it works too well. Go back, captain.

Feb 3: Attempting to equalize, system seems to slowly be recovering.

Feb 4: Digestive tract cannot decide if it wants to stop or go, but at least it's starting to get the message. Random leg swell, not as bad as during chemo but it's there. Tired of waking up with my left arm asleep but it's been that way since chemo. I dunno why, but Sensodyne always hurts my gums before it numbs them. I put some of it on the affected area, wait, feel intense pain, then it goes away enough where I can (very, very gently) rub the area with a soft toothbrush. What the fuck is its problem? Is it because it stimulates the nerves before numbing them?

 Feb 5: Everything cash money, baby. Still trying to identify for certain what the abdominal swelling is and what it's caused by. Some is possibly lymphedema, but the bulk of the swell is from inside the abdominal cavity and is painful when pushed. Semi-consistent pain when pushing center around bladder.  It appears when pushed more often than not, but then it'll just randomly disappear when being examined, with the feeling of gas moving through the intestines. Right gums still sensitive, feels like they're being stabbed if touched with toothbrush bristles, but it's not as intense as during or right after the fast.

Feb 6: Bad, stabbing pains from shoulder, down left side. Sometimes happens in bed, sometimes sitting.  Warn roomie in case it's a heart attack or something, but the positioning isn't correct for that. I think the tendons pushed out of the way in my shoulder by the neck tumor may be slipping back into their previous positions. That feels much more correct, deep in my bones. It's a very unpleasant process and it seems unhappy about it. It's a similar, less intense version of the debilitating pain along my left that I experienced after my first dose of bullshit. My left jugular has been misaligned after the tumors, but it's looking a lot more normal during all of this. Lips weirdly pale.

Feb 7: Pain very bad when it happens. Feels like a layer of small glass shattering along the nerves, pulses, then disappears. Make it a point to sit around other members of the household in case something does go wrong and I need to be rushed somewhere. Neck looks pretty much normal.  Turns out lips weren't pale, it's a layer of dead skin that refuses to dry out. Not sure where it came from, but you can roll off soft bits of it. I think I know what this is now, and I'm not worried anymore. I don't know if it has a name, outside regeneration.

Feb 8: Shoulder seems to have calmed down, digestion is probably as good as it's going to get at this point. Mouth feels weird.

Feb 9: Been removing both soft and dry dead skin from lips all day, the last of it. Pulled swatches of it out of my mouth. It's not because of acidic food or anything, it's just been many years while since I've seen this phenomenon so aggressively in action. Some of the pieces of dead skin are as big as coins. Spike in heartbeat.

Feb 10: Mouth seems to be done shedding, right gums still a little tender because of the new skin but I can brush them directly without any real pain. This was unthinkable just a day or so before, for weeks. The serpent sheds its skin. Abdominal bloat uncomfortable but everything smooth otherwise. Heart still fast.

Feb 11: Heartbeat still high, occasional pain pulse from abdomen. I enjoy being able to brush my teeth. Tired of feeling my pulse all the time again at a higher speed, manage to mentally hijack some nerves for a fun trick and slow it down a bit. Give it a Push. Not sure if it'll permanently take but this is what experiments are for.

Feb 12: Heartbeat still somewhere between after-fast slowness and its recent speed up. Woke up with a pain around center of chest, heart, and left pectoral. After fucking around a bit, seems to still be related to tendon fuckery. Next experiment will be attempts to drain abdominal cavity. Napped before stream, woke with a very vivid petechiae patch on left jaw. Had an itchy area a couple days ago on my right shoulder, now it's also in the middle of my chest, back of my neck, and across my lower abdomen where my pants waist meets skin.