January 29 Updates

 Before fasting:

• heartbeat very hard
• heart rate between 2 and 2.5 beats per second
• noticeable pain in right side around liver, occasional in left, mostly located in hips and abdomen
  
• lots of fatigue, inability to walk or stand for short periods, have to take a break to complete shower
  
• bloating, indigestion, &c.
• joint pain and swelling 
• gums okay
  

 During fast:

• heartbeat very hard, shakes bed consistently
• heart rate between 2.5 and 3 BPS
• oddly magnified side pains, up in some ways, down in others
  
• increased weakness, have to take 3 breaks to complete shower
• decreased bloating but still present
• joint pain absent
• bad gum recession, painful 
• right cheek hollowed, left retaining shape due to insufficient lymphatic drainage
  

After fast:

• sporadic, infrequent spikes in heartbeat strength, harder than normal but mostly unconscious
• heart rate between 1.5 and 2 BPS
• side pains less severe but more consistent, generally does not interfere with activities
• weakness greatly reduced, easy workouts possible
• increased bloating, constipation?
• joint pain mostly absent
• gums recovering 
• cheeks as even as can be hoped for, surprisingly fast recovery in this regard
  

 

Possible causes for abdominal distress:

• tumors/metastasis
• leaky gut?
• nerve damage/poorly-repaired damage from chemo
• intestinal damage from difficulties with first treatment
• long term issues from unnecessary nausea medications during early treatments
• magnesium deficiency?
  
• poorly-recovered gut biome

Abdomen solid but malleable to touch, like a sack of wet clay. Passage within does not feel normal. Skin over top strangely thick and squishy, not fat alone, possible lymphedema; greater swelling in this regard recorded around left eye. Organ pain reduced with use of fasting and concentrated vegetable servings, issues with digestion increased. Current self-experimentation in progress with repopulation of gut bacteria and hyper focus on possible nutritional short-comings.

Now that my notes are out of the way, there's some kind of pill clinical trial in the city. It was supposed to have rolled out last year when I was in treatment, back when I first asked if there were any clinical trials exactly of this sort available. The pandemic stalled it a year. Had it been on time, I may have been able to completely dodge all the bullshit I went through and am still attempting to recover from. As such, I can now join the masses in finally having a personal reason to despise this virus. I don't know if I qualify anymore since I quit treatment rather than it failing, and I'm unsure of it's progress as I only have my own personal bodily and medical experience to go by. I'd be subject to more tests and prodding, and who knows what kinds of side effects with such drugs. It would also mean going back to that horrid, smelly torture pit of despair and shattered dreams.

I've no further use for the location. I've no desire to alternately be ignored and treated as a numbered piece of meat. Let others volunteer themselves to the test table, the clipboards, the endless drip. I succeed or die as myself.