At the end of January, I was very weak. It was when I lost vision moving a water jug, if you recall that. It seems that around that time my financial support ran out; I'd thought I had a few more months, but it looks like I'd perhaps over-estimated the time CERB had been in effect to connect with the 15-week sick pay. I checked my account in April and saw that I had very little money left in my overdraft, and I have not paid rent for May.
Due to my lack of funds, I haven't been able to keep up with getting healthy food/fresh vegetables to keep the sickness at bay. I had been doing rather well, as tired as I was. Though I needed to sleep a lot, I had energy when I was awake and was able to even work out during those times. Some days would be better than others, but my tachycardia had been mostly under control and my insides didn't really hurt. I actually felt good for a while. If I kept it up, I knew that I may just be able to recover enough have it mostly (or completely), to shake off most of the acute chemo crap, and to maybe look for a part-time position. One that could tolerate the longterm damage it did, and acknowledge that I may not be able to work every day.
However, it's been about a month and a half since I've been able to eat fresh vegetables in any notable amount. All I had left was some frozen meats and dry carbs that were easy to store, and things with some sugar in them. Essentially, the opposite of what I'm supposed to be eating in my condition. Over the weeks, my heath has deteriorated again, with pain around the bottom of my ribcage on all sides, as well as slowed and occasionally painful digestion. The fatigue is back and I don't think I have the energy to do more than a few exercise work outs total before I can't anymore and need to stop. My petechiae outbreaks have been slowly increasing, and yesterday the big splotch on my left jaw came back after being absent for a long time. My heart is beating faster and my chest sometimes hurts. The leg that the chemo wrecked the nerves in has been achey and laggy again, too.
For the last few weeks, I have been trying to see if I can at least get rent covered. Roomie prime is a pensioner and no one in the household can really afford much, and I was the main paycheque-breadwinner before all this. It would have been less painful if the move and shitty employment rates hadn't obliterated what I'd managed to save up to 2019. The EI sickness benefit only lasts 15 weeks and as I am unable to work due to illness/injury, I don't meet the qualification criteria for normal EI and so cannot switch. In addition, because I was given support during that time, the program basically tries to claw the money back from you once you hit the limit. There's nothing more that particular department can help me with.
There's a (shitty) department for dealing with low income and unemployment, but I've had previous experience with them and don't have much faith in them. This round has me matched with someone Indian whose native tongue is not English and occasionally has trouble communicating in a way I entirely understand. He told me that EI won't pay out due to the shit I just explained, and for me to straighten things out with them. When I called the EI office, the person there explained the above reasons for no pay very thoroughly, and that no further help can be bargained for, which seemed to be what the Indian guy was implying I should do. Again, low faith.
The EI person directed me to talk to the disability/pensions program, and after giving that department some info they are sending out a 40-page application by mail that I and my doctor will have to fill out, and the processing for that may take weeks. There's a 24-hour emergency line for people in dire straits, but they say outright that they don't help with rent, just stuff like prescriptions and food. That said, my personal doctor (not the onc) did hook me up with a social worker who seems nice, though she doesn't seem particularly optimistic of getting anything decent on such short notice; I'm guessing having to work alongside this shit for a living drives it home in a similar manner as being reliant on it. Maybe she was at some point, who knows. After the long weekend, we are going to look into a longterm disability program, though getting into that can take months if I'm even accepted.
That's about where I'm at. Shame and disgust at my own weakness, situation, and general invalidity aside, I'm going to be doing a long fast again to see if I can kill off what seems to have grown up due to my inability to bring home any income on my own. I have enough bones stored up where I can make broth to safely break it, and I have enough zinc-rich canned seafood for after that, but from that point I'm no longer sure. I grew up poor, so it'd fitting that I end up dying poor and from poverty, as well. The entire cause of this cancer was food poisoning brought on by trying to cut all the corners off of my food bills, so if it comes back in the proper and offs me because I can't afford to shake it off with a half-decent diet, well there you go. Enjoy having another statistic.
No one has stepped up to claim the stream yet, if anyone actually wants to. If you do, just say so and I'll have it handed to you if shit goes more south. That's all.