June 26 Updates

 tl;dr: Better control over lower body swelling, upper body is another story. Neck and chest consistently feel too "full". Lowering fluid intake and using an h2 inhibitor seems to help. Digestion is still a gaseous, bloaty nightmare. I think I may have developed an egg intolerance from all this. IV arm hurt the entire time and I will be making sure I don't have the same nurse putting it into my arm. It's really fucking hot here. Fridge stopped working until I got fed up enough to fix it, lost some food. Cardio seems fine, limbs have some weakness and nerve pain, legs swelled up again for a day or so. Can't tell if the chemo is even doing anything anymore other than fucking my body up. If it doesn't work I'll probably just kill myself. Eye seems better but got it confirmed that my right is a bit off.


June 20: Everything feels too full. My digestive system, my head, my neck, my chest. So much pressure. Right eye is still blurry. Jaw hurts. Neck is really puffy. Stretched anyway. Went around the block a few times. By just not drinking much water for a while I greatly reduced the leg swell since my body eliminates the same amount of fluid even with reduced intake. Hair oil still doing its thing, still applying every day except after I take a shower to let the skin breathe. Roomie was kind enough to supply a massage. Dunno if it helped or not, mind.


June 21: Neck still puffy. Legs are down still, but it hurts in the calf and along the front of the shin. Jaw really hurts. Stretched, managed to jog a bit. My lungs are working okay but my heart's really easy to get going. Feet felt really hot by the end. Something I've also noticed is that I can wake up okay, but right after I'll crash for 1-2 hours and can't seem to do much. I lifted some stuff, my sleep cycle is still fucked from the DEX. Noticeable limb weakness, I had to go down a weight to do my reps and my push-ups are pretty shaky. Pisses me off, I worked hard to get my form on those. There's only so much I can do to test my mental acuity, so I decided to try some puzzle game sets that usually take me a while to work though. Managed to get through an entire set without stopping much faster than normal, same result with the set following. My math seems about the same and still fluctuates with how much sleep I've had. We'll have to see if that holds out.


June 22: Slept most of the day, too hot and humid to do much else anyway. I had a kiwi and my insides did a lot of unpleasant things, so I think I'll have to be careful with certain fruits for a while. Eye seems a little better today. Stretched, just used the cycle instead of going outside into the hot hellscape of summer, noticed my legs don't get tired as easily once they get going. Pretty sure I have some nerve damage in my shins where it hurts. Neck is still tense, like it and my eyes keep doing that thing where you just woke up or haven't slept in days and you're compelled to blink heavily a lot. Slathered a bunch of lactic acid around my neck, shoulders and chest in an attempt to drain all this bullshit. Sides hurt, especially along the hips. Shed a bunch today.


June 23: Eye blur's back to where it was previously. Set up an optometry appointment for Friday afternoon/evening to get a vision check and maybe a puff test for glaucoma pressure if I'm allowed. Neck is still tense and my head's still doing that "haven't slept swoon", but the lactic acid came through and my neck area doesn't feel like it's in a puffy inflatable collar anymore. Decided to try the H2 inhibitor idea and it seems to have cleared my head a bit, interestingly. Took more coconut water to combat neutropenia.

It's bizarre; jogging and running are fine, but if I try to walk "normally" it just doesn't happen. It's like I can't do a standard slow human gait anymore or I start to trip up. When not wearing shoes, it was pretty normal for me to just fox walk everywhere before this, and I've gotten in shit more than once from accidentally scaring the hell out of someone because I apparently "creep everywhere like some kind of predator, stop fucking doing that or you owe me a new pair of pants, what the fuck" but now I can't NOT do it whether I'm wearing shoes or not. Guess I'll have to get used to more people crossing to the other side of the street when I'm walking around town. Anyway, my left leg hurts more than the right when I walk. Seems I can jog on and off for an hour and be fine, don't even have to breathe out of my mouth, but lifting anything reveals the muscle weakness. I'll have to up my game. That said, deadlifts were okay today.

Fridge was still fucked, but I finally found where the model specs are hiding. I had to toss some vegetables. I hate wasting and this was such a needless thing. I'd been holding out because roomie prime insisted it was a board issue and we'd need a part, while I said it was probably the fan or thermostat with the fan being most likely. After having to shave the cheese and toss some grapes, I just said fuck it and took it apart myself. Sure enough, it was the fan and ventilation all caked with ice. Just ran some hot water through it and put it back together, seems to be working now.


June 24: I think the wake-up crash is related to sleeping a long time, digestion, or both. As my digestion becomes more regular again, I've noticed the crash has slowly become less pronounced. In addition, I get it more acutely when I eat eggs, of all things. Sleeping fewer than 8 hours prevented the crash rollover (possibly), but I'm not sure if it was that alone or something else. I did feel better after taking the h2 inhibitor when nothing else seemed to work, so I'll put that down as a possibility as well. Eye seems less blurry today, head is also less "full" feeling, but my neck is still puffy with it being mostly on the left. This, I think, actually is minor lymphedema. My IV arm still hurts, too. Since I've progressed about as far as I think I can via diet, I tried a B12 supplement to compare progress in the neuropathy.

Someone in the household hurt their ankle, and I've been called upon to make an unofficial medical diagnosis because it seems now everyone has an aversion to seeing actual doctors. Given they'd be waiting a thousand years, I can't blame anyone for dodging. Looking at it, I'm pretty sure it's just a common lateral sprain. Cold made the pain worse, so I borrowed the nurse's idea and filled a rubber glove with hot water to make a ghetto water bottle for it and got my acetaminophen out. My own leg started to swell again, and the feet. Chest feels too full. Think my hair loss was just delayed this time, like the other side effects. I'm shedding more than usual. Eye seems a bit better.


June 25: Yep, leg's fucked again. Limped around all day, calf and shins hurt, feet hurt. Picked up some more coconut shit and had a bout of exhaustion that came out of nowhere. I think the summer heat brings it on worse than usual, but it's like you haven't slept and can't think. Might be chemo brain, hope not. When I was jogging my fucking cheekbones of all things started to hurt. I've also noticed that my gums have receded a bit. Still shedding. IV arm still hurts to touch so I guess I won't be using that one for infusions of toxic garbage anymore. I can't tell if the little lump in my neck is shrinking or not, it feels like there's a water bed over it now because of all the fluid shit. With all these issues and it maybe not even working properly I'm probably just gonna off myself.

The didn't have the coconut water I've been using, just coconut base, so hopefully it's just as helpful. It has almost no flavor, but it feels almost oily despite being just a liquid so it's harder to chug. It's also a lot more fattening, so this will be interesting. Managed to get the leg swell down a bit and my eye seems better, too.


June 26: Eye seems better, go figure. Still slightly blurred. Went to the optometrist, a chatty little thing that enjoyed talking about whatever was going on in life. It's that kind of genuine small talk I don't mind since the person actually gives a shit. Got it confirmed that my right eye is a bit off, but I got told it's impressive that my eye prescription has stayed so stable despite not getting my eyes checked in well over a decade. My left hasn't budged. Hilariously, my right is blurred because it's now needs LESS correction, but there's a brand-new slight stigmatism in it that wasn't there before. I'm going to keep it monitored and go in regularly if I can. Also got it confirmed officially in writing that I have light sensitivity, so assuming I still have a job I can give that to the manager finally. Now I just need to find a dentist.