May 8 Updates

Gonna have a bit of TMI in here since this is more of a record of what the hell happens when you do this. For those of you curious about the mouse's fur mite situation, the heavily-diluted alcohol + witch hazel concoction seems to have done the trick and the eye wound she scratched is healing nicely.


May 2 is when my complete fast began. Only water allowed. I'm used to fasting and not eating, so I was really only hungry for one day before my body just went "lol k" and dropped right into it. All of my coughing and cancer-related discomfort decreased noticeably, as it usually does when I restrict calories. Day before I took a thorough shower and used a lot of vitamin E/coconut oil on my scalp, washed it with this black radish shampoo an old herbalist used to chemo patients said to give a try. Experimenting with hair retention will be a side project and something to do. My scalp has always been a hair-heavy place, so I'll try to play around with that. Remember how when I asked for a max of 4 cycles, and he said that's what they were gonna do anyway? One of the first things he asks me is, "You wanted fewer cycles instead of the 6, yes?" Made me uneasy.

Onc's nurse lays out the info on the shit I'll be taking after treatments, and some kind of primal "nope" urge goes through me. I don't know why or where it's coming from, but every phrase that came out of me was some kind of rejection. On reflection, it's one of those warnings my body likes to give me that something's not right. Last time I didn't listen to it, I got fucking cancer. I'll have to watch those meds. I'd brought up concerns over needing this many side effect-management drugs since I was fasting but I was prescribed a full dose of everything anyway. Doc also said there was shit all he could do about the concerns I had about my upper joints, and I got the impression he didn't really care too much either.

Oh yeah, and I didn't get approved for any longterm aid since I'm going through chemo. Apparently you only get that if you're going to die. People only care about you if you're dying or profitable, which are essentially the same thing. Depending on how treatment goes, the doc wants me right back out looking for work in the middle of a pandemic recession after getting chemotherapy'd. "Not our problem anymore, lol." Boss wasn't optimistic about our company staying open after all of this over the phone.



May 5: Woke up too early and dozed for an hour before I gave up. Got up, washed myself. Drank some baking soda water an hour before taking the Akynzeo and Dexamethosone they want you to before the treatment so I could avoid any reflux or other bullshit it's known to cause. Since I effectively shut down my digestive system I doubted it would be an issue, but doesn't hurt to be safe. Skipped my acetaminophen so I could better feel and judge if I was experiencing anything unusual; at this point I was just using it to deaden the nerve sensation that was causing me to cough so no big loss. "Patients all say not to wait to take the stool softener. I wonder what will happen if I take one in my state?" Popped a Sennokot for science. Tachycardia was pretty strong this morning and I had to recline on and off for another hour until it calmed down.

Around midday I got settled in the chemo room. It's a lot more "public" than expected. The room is roughly the shape of a shallow horseshoe with a desk at either end, lined with recliners next to IV stands. There are curtains you can draw around each chair, though, so I took full advantage. The nurses seemed personable and actually listen to what you have to say, a nice change from the weird interactions I've had with the oncologist. It took only 1 extra poke to find a proper vein since the first one was right in a nerve; it seems to be tradition that whenever I go in for a test of some sort, the medical staff ends up letting off a genuine side compliment over some part of my anatomy. "Wow, that's a nice open airway. Your heart has really good blood uptake. Your insides are pristine, damn." This time it was how nice and easy my veins were to work with and how good their flow was. Unfortunately, this one was also near a nerve and needed more careful monitoring. I DID, however, finally get medical confirmation from a staff member that my limbs' skin is indeed thicker than usual, making getting syringes in harder and probably contributing to how easily my arms and legs scar.

We started with the Adriamycin push (the red DOX devil). The nurse sits with a big syringe full of it, like those ones with the tubes they use to feed young livestock, and pushes it into your vein. I just had to let her know if it burned or pinched, which meant it was going too fast. I was one of the lucky ones in that I couldn't taste the saline flavor I'd been warned about, but that may have had to do with the effects the chemo actually did end up having on my sense of taste. While we did the DOX and Vinblastine, we shot the shit a bit over medical things. They seemed to enjoy that I was into that sort of thing and that we could have an actual conversation. They were greatly interested in my fast, and one of the nurses was a fasting enthusiast so that started things off quickly. They were also interested in the hydrogen water I'd brought. When I explained the gist of the chemistry and how it would bind to free radicals and the like (elevated in these circumstances), they said that it made a lot of sense. Traded some info on other things too, like the bonding of sandalore to hair receptors.

re: Hydrogen water - I wasn't sure what to expect going into it with this. Would it taste metallic? Would it help at all? I was using a magnesium bar for this, to clarify. Electrolysis seemed a bit busy when I was unsure how this would affect me, and if you're an idiot and use both plates in the water you can end up poisoning yourself. The water itself simply tastes a bit more "fresh" than usual, and you get a sense of calm and satisfaction after drinking it that I wasn't expecting. I finished the entire water bottle, a bit less than a litre while I was there and it was a nice effect to have.

The problems started with the Dacarbazine drip. This is done with just the IV on alternating large doses of saline. The saline is room temperature and gets you cold very quickly. It's also known for causing the most discomfort, and FUCK. YEP. My arm hurt a lot in pulses, mostly in the upper arm around the elbow. This eventually changed to back and forth pain cycles between my arm and chest. The tumors in my chest were FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT. The nurses kept trying to coax me to take some Adevan or Tylenol to keep it down, but I needed to know what it felt like without them for next time. Plus I didn't need any more dizziness or drowsiness than I'd already be getting from this. I couldn't put the heavy warm blankets or the hot water bottle on it as the pressure made it worse, and you could feel the end of the needle when you did that. If you've ever read up on extravasation, you also know that not giving it a chance to ever happen is up on my list, no matter how minor the possibility.

At this point, all of my water and all the saline cycles finally got to me and I had to walk to the bathroom. The IV post was not always the most cooperative bathroom buddy, but it came along well enough. They warn you that it's normal to experience red piss for a day or two because of the DOX, but I had only one singular orange experience in the hospital, and everything after was a quickly-increasing return back to the pale yellow we all prefer and I'm most familiar with. Seems my plan to help speed my renal functions paid off. After washing my hands, I ran my IV arm under some hot water and that helped. Walking around at this point was beneficial, so I stayed standing as much as I could, and it made my second bathroom trip a bit smoother. My water had started to taste sweet, and the sensation did not go away. I finished my first round and felt very tired after, like I needed a nap. I'd expected some fatigue, but I've come to suspect it was actually mostly the DEX I took before treatment, after having to experience it for 2 additional days. Particularly when the second one hits.

I went home, drank more water, used the exercise bike. Remember the Sennokot for science? The result is that it does sort of work. It tries to push a whole lot of water, air and nothing out of a system that isn't fully active. (Not an issue when I got home since it was just 99% water, but the following day was a bit more complicated.) Had some dry mouth and the occasional tickle, but staying hydrated and swishing my mouth regularly seems to keep it down. Tachycardia was still present, but not as bad as when I woke up. Put some vitamin E oil on my head, did some curls, and went for a long nightwalk to get rid of the uncomfortable swelling from the knees down I was experiencing. The walking helps more than the cycling for the leg crap. A little spacey by the end of the day, but no more than usual fatigue from stress and lack of sleep.


May 6: And here's where the Sennokot experiment comes to a head. I was awoken far, far too early by a lot of intestinal gas bloat and abdominal pressure. Draining some of the water I'd drank yesterday helped with the latter problem, but the former still remained and didn't want to budge. Since I was planning on breaking my fast slowly that night anyway, I popped another Sennokot and downed a bunch of water to help with the weird feeling in my throat. Managed to doze off in a half hour-ish. Felt a lot better with some extra sleep and my throat was mostly normal again. Chest was still feeling weird but I can lay down in almost any position without it causing pain now, just that little coughing sensation. Some shrinkage in the neck nodes at this point but nothing major, and due to the sheer size and density of them compared to their base form there is no telling how much is actually tumor and how much is scar tissue.

Washed myself up, cleaned my mouth, and moisturized fucking everything. Your skin is your largest organ and your immune system's first line of defense, and your nails dry out faster than skin. ALWAYS take care of them, I don't care if it makes you feel like a pansy. Removed my IV bandage, small amount of bruising but healed nicely. Had a few minor itches on scalp where loose baby hairs were, and they were almost always from "dry" places I'd missed with the oil. Feeling okay, but it's the day after this one that I have to prep for. Took the DEX and Ondansetron I was prescribed, the former is bitter. Drank water, did some stretches, noticed some of my tendons were tighter than usual. Lifting my arms isn't a chore anymore, but my shoulders do get tired more easily. Ended with a go on the cycle while I watched a documentary. Been having weird chest flutters. Had a weird grehlin spike out of nowhere, which I attribute to my taking the Sennokot too early and trying to wake my digestive tract up.

Water still tastes sweet, have occasional small "headaches" on the left side. They seem to be nerve pain that runs up along my neck and into my head. They don't last long and are more like sporadic unpleasant surprises. I take a bath with some apple cider vinegar in the water to help my skin out, moisturize after. At this point I think I'm having far more side effects from the DEX and friends than the chemo itself, bloat aside (my fault). More tired and my legs are nigh-unusable after my second DEX of the day; legs are heavy from the knees down, ankles hurt, and I can barely locomote at all. I've worked my legs too hard in workouts before to this point, but it was never this bad. I effectively have to walk bow-legged like someone carrying an Atlas stone, carefully swinging each leg wide to step forward. Stairs are a hazard. Couldn't stop coughing.

Despite this, I take a walk for about an hour and that helps with my abdomen a bit, and loosens up my legs for an hour. My head and legs take a sharp downturn after this and it takes me 1.5hrs to work up the strength to actually stand and slog myself off to cleanup for bed through all the stabbing pains. I can see some of my neck tendons again, at least. I just sat there spacing out and guzzling coconut water. Why coconut water? The second day after treatment is when your nadir starts, the lowest part of your white blood cell counts, and when people generally feel like they've been hit by a truck. Coconut water is pretty good for boosting NP counts. Guzzling some extra liquid and electrolytes is good, but what I really wanted was for it to prep my stem for food again while boosting my NP a bit overnight so I didn't wake with the "chemo hangover" so many warned me about. Popped a melatonin and went to sleep.


May 7: Wake up way too early to drain the coconut water. It seems to have done its job and equalized with the Sennokot. Since there was nothing else in me, my room just smells like coconut water and nothing else, no waste, nothing. It's like sitting in a gutted pumpkin. Pretty much all my abdominal issues are gone since it's starting to digest stuff again. I don't have any chemo hangover today and feel much better than the previous night. My leg swelling is done and my heart's calmed down, and by this point I'm positive it's the DEX doing all this terrible crap to me. Took an Ondan and a TUMs to prep for the DEX, going to see if I can get a reduction on my DEX or something since the side effects leave me effectively non-functional when doubled like this.

Drank some bone broth and reported my side effects at triage. The nurse wanted to make extra clear that she isn't the one that can authorize my med change (obviously), but if I absolutely need to skip my last one then it's left to my own judgement on what it's doing to me. My body was the one who gave me the head's up before all this started, so I'm going to listen to it. Only 1 DEX and see what happens. The whisper of the beginning of throat soreness of my left side was there before drinking the broth but not after, did a baking soda swish anyway. Within an hour my knees and ankles start to feel heavy and swell, fuck DEX right up the ass. I used the cycle a bit but stopped when my head fog came in. It always seems to happen after I take the DEX, you can set the side effects to a clock. The hydrogen water really does noticeably help with it, which I didn't expect to such a degree. No idea what sort of impact it would have on a person who is just normally healthy, but I'm recommending it for chemo patients. Chest feels tight, occasional pain on the left side.

Another thing to recommend is gentle wet wipes for bathroom trips. Despite not using the back end much, the delicate lining around the end of your digestive system does get irritated and it's important to be gentle with it and keep it hydrated. Doing so reduces the problems almost entirely. Anyway, my heavy heart palpitations from the DEX start up, enough to rock my entire body. Mixed up some hair oil: olive (the good, cloudy kind), coconut, rosemary, sage, grapefruit, juniper, cedarwood, thyme, aloe, grapeseed, jojoba, and some peppermint, tea tree, frankincense and a bit of lavender. Keeping a stocked bag of medicines and oils pays off at the strangest times. Massaged it into my scalp, I smell like a herb shop. Had some plain yogurt for digestion, blueberries, and grapes. The yogurt lacks the slightly-sour tang it usually does.

Did some bicep curls, my calves are weak and I'm expecting the proper swell by now since I already have to be careful with stairs. Haven't noticed any strength difference between my normal and IV arms, which is nice. Heart palps from DEX get worse, and the coughing is back. Showered in warm water with the black radish shampoo. Ankle swell is distracting but not overwhelming, feet tingle and sometimes go to sleep. I know that if I take my second one now, I'll become a wreck so I hold off. Eat 2 steamed pork buns. An hour later the heavy swell is here and I have trouble thinking again. Heart is pounding, coughing's going. Within another hour, the heart flutters are causing some pain in the area. Neck node is noticeably smaller than before. Ate 2 prunes instead of the Sennokot as an experiment. Some uncomfortable tingle on the back of my tongue, left side. Opened a grape seed extract capsule and rubbed the powder on the area. Tasted bitter and burnt, like the way cigarette ash smells but more woody. Works within minutes, though; cheers to the hippie herbal chick online who recommended that one.

Was going to go for a walk, but it started raining and I need to be careful of my temperature. Ended up getting hit by the DEX hammer too hard to function anyway. Wanted to work out, but couldn't stand and do things at the same time. Made a small toasted rye sandwich with mayo, spinach and tomato with a can of salmon. The mayo lacked any sour zing at all and just tasted like stale wood pulp, so I guess I can't taste sour much right now. Adding some rice vinegar barely made a difference. Downed another litre of coconut water. Was a bit late with my second Onden dose but I remembered. Verbally stringing together more than a few words at this stage in the day/DEX side effect cycle is very taxing. Reading seems okay, I just have to pay a bit more attention.


May 8: That's today. Morning drain. Body was feeling better but still tired from lack of sleep. Manage to drift off again within an hour. Wake up in another 3 hours, another drain. Lay down and spend the next hour slowly waking and experimenting with the comfort of different laying positions. Laying on my left side makes my heart beat harder, and makes the chest tumor remnants on my right side fuck with my esophagus and cause coughing. Neck is all twingey, but I can lay in positions that would have been anathema to it before. My DEX chest tightness is gone by this point, but I still have occasional pains in the heart area. Since these are not 100% consistent and can sometimes be cleared my cracking my shoulder, I'm unsure if it's the heart itself, a nearby nerve, or some combination.

Drink water. Read a bit of a book before getting up to clean self. A few more stray eyebrow hairs than usual have been coming loose the past couple days, but not enough to have an effect on my face. Have a bowl of high-fibre cereal and some blueberries. Going to have some rice cooked in my broth with vegetables and fish a bit later, as well as another good shot of protein from somewhere so I can work out again. Need to stretch and do a workout now that I can actually use my legs. Spent a fair bit of time typing this up. I can't help but notice that it gets a bit more simple and condensed as I go. I'm unsure if this is from the repetitive format, the sheer length, or if it's because coming up with sentences is harder. I suppose we will see. My head is indeed very hazy today compared to before, and remembering some things takes a bit.